


If This Is To Be Our Lot

by Lann_the_cleverest



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief, Multi, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 11:32:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/811114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lann_the_cleverest/pseuds/Lann_the_cleverest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tumblr prompt asking for Loras' reaction upon discovering he is to marry Cersei in the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If This Is To Be Our Lot

He’s sparring with a son of one of the lower houses, brother of one of Margaery’s little roses.  They’re related somehow but he loses track of who is who - they’re all just faces to him.  Names there is no point in learning, for they will all die and rot the same as everyone else, sooner or later.  Probably sooner.  He wonders why the squire, Olyvar, never returned after their bout but he is unsurprised.  Everyone leaves, even the ones who swear to return.  _‘I’ll be by your side in no time at all, now go!’ his king had called to him, laughing as he pushed Loras from the bed to go and dress for the formal rejection of Stannis’ terms at a meeting they had never arrived at…_

He shook his head and was surprised to see Margaery standing in front of him.  She was patient as the Mother made flesh, and used to him fading away to his memories.  He didn’t know how long she had been waiting but she did not admonish him, for she knew it did no good.  “I’ve got to talk to you,” she told him, sounding as urgent as she had the day she had dragged him off to a courtyard at Highgarden while he and Renly had been visiting to tell him that she had finally flowered.

They arrived at a spit of rock that he recognised as an altar to the Old Gods in what passed for a Godswood in the middle of a city built on mud and shit…  _The first place safe from Varys and his little birds, Littlefinger and his eavesdropping whores and the Lannisters and their… well, gods alone knew who served as spies for the Lannisters in this city, but this place was sacred even to the spymasters as far as he and Renly had discovered, and it was the first place they had kissed in the Red Keep or it’s grounds when Renly had come to take up his post on the Small Council._ Margaery couldn’t have known, but still he itched to slap her for desecrating this place with gossip.  “What?” he asked listlessly, preferring to appear emotionless than to scream and sob like a child the way they all expected him to.

“It’s the Lannisters… they know,” Margaery told him.  He blinked slowly.  “They know,” he repeated, his first thought being that they had somehow discovered his and Renly’s secret - the one it pained him the most to deny, and the one he would never admit to for fear of besmirching his king’s memory.  “That we were planning to wed you to Sansa,” she explained so bluntly it shocked him into paying attention and noticing that she was looking irritated with him. 

Their patience wore out, one by one it did without fail - first grandmother’s, then mother’s, father’s and now even sweet Margaery was finding his grief more of a burden and an irritant than a thing to be gentle with him over.  Why else wouldn’t she leave him alone?  She was forever telling him of the Stark girl and her plight, plotting with grandmother long into the night to wed him to her, as though he could.  Didn’t they understand he had taken sacred vows - he was - had been - the Lord Commander of Renly’s Kingsguard.  How could he wed?  The Kingsguard were forbidden from taking wives, and he was almost as glad of that as he had been to have a reason to stay close to his king. 

He had told them he would never betray Renly in word or deed, so how could his family ask him to betray the vows he had spoken knelt before his king in the light of the Seven, or the ones he had given weeks before he had even declared his kingship… those words of loyalty he had whispered to Renly’s inner thighs and sealed with kisses across his belly…  No, this was intervention from… from what?  There were no gods - how could there be, if his king, his love had died and Stannis was still living, _Joffrey_ was still living, and both were speaking villainous words about Renly to all who cared to hear – the latter especially taking pride in saying them to Margaery, who could do nothing but sit there and smile while Loras would excuse himself to stick his dirk into the tips of his fingers and his thighs until they bled in the hope he would distract himself from wanting to bury the blade in Joffrey instead.

“I suppose that’s that then,” he shrugged, nonplussed.  His sister’s eyebrows knit together and she shook her head.  “Lord Tywin intends to punish us, but cannot do so publicly, grandmother says,” and Loras began to fade out of the conversation.  He cared little and less for politics - the less he was involved the better.  _The last he had tried to turn his hand to politics had left his lover dead, his family risking being branded traitors and his heart irrevocably broken.  All his fault…_  

“Did you hear me?” Margaery asked sharply, pinching his arm until he glared.  “He’s not going to offer us a choice – he plans to offer you Cersei.  I’ll bet the evil snake is loving this – getting you, and Highgarden, and doubtless an escort from her bloody brother to boot,” she grumbled, as though this were a crime against her rather than a horror Loras would have to endure.  Still, it was not as though he had looked forward to wedding Sansa Stark.  Cersei Lannister was older, she would die sooner and leave him to his solitude and hopefully care less that he didn’t notice her if she came ready formed with a lover.  If her lover ever returned that is – which he wouldn’t.  Jaime Lannister, the finest knight in the Seven Kingdoms after him, was doubtless dead in the mud somewhere, the same mud that had swallowed up Renly when Loras had buried him in the rain at Storm’s End.  It had to be that way - how could anyone else have their lovers return to them when his had been taken?  He would rather the world entire was plunged into grief at the loss of their loved ones than suffer it alone.  It was only fair.  Perhaps he and Cersei could mourn together, if this was to be their lot.


End file.
